I’ve not been this sick in I don’t know how long. Food poisoning is probably the most likely option, being that I felt totally normal up until I didn’t. I woke up in the middle of the night with an intense pain in my stomach, and before I knew it I was “worshiping the porcelain god”. I experienced a few breaks which involved me laying on the cool bathroom tile thinking, listening to my body, trying to decipher if I’m emptied out or not. Those breaks didn’t last long usually.
Now I’m huddled down in my makeshift camp in the living room. Unzipped sleeping bag for my blanket, couch cushions thrown to the floor, large plastic bowl strategically close, and my pillows from my bed, the only items not scrounged on my walk from the bathroom to my temporary home in the living room. I spend an uneasy night, passing in and out of consciousness until the rest of the house returns to life as my wife and kids emerge to get ready for the day. I ended up spending the next two days not going to work, and living on that couch.
As I get older, and especially as my kids get older I realize how much in a rush we are to move past all the boring and everyday stuff to get to the good things. The weekends, holidays, and vacations are always what I’m looking forward to, but that means I spend most of my time hoping that everything else goes quickly so we can get to the next great thing. But all that time I want to go by quickly is where we spend a majority of our lives.
After realizing this, I’ve been trying to make a conscious effort to be focused on what is happening now. Living in the moment and not comparing the current moment to a great time in the past and not looking towards the future wanting a better time. I’m trying to be content with the moment, because where do we actually live but only in the moment. Our current moment becomes our past, and our future becomes our current moment.
I find this really hard to achieve let me be honest with you, but I did temporarily do it. When I was sick on that couch for two days, I was keenly aware of what was happening only in that moment. I wasn’t worried about what I was going to eat for my next meal or what I was going to do that night, I was only living in those moments on the couch. My only concerns were how I was feeling at this current moment. “Do I need to return to the bathroom? Am I hungry, or is my stomach just hurting again? I’m sleepy, I’m going to nap now.”
I was too busy just trying to survive that I didn’t worry about good things to come. I just wanted to make it through the next five minutes without having to run back to the toilet. Even though it wasn’t a great time in my life, I did live moment by moment, minute by minute. How do I translate what I discovered while ill into my non-ill time? I don’t necessarily know, but I do know what I’m always looking for is attainable. Living in the most mundane moments and not wishing them to pass quickly is possible. Now, I did wish my illness would pass from me quickly but it certainly didn’t. It grounded me in that moment with constant reminders I need to be conscious of the now, because right now I might puke.
As we rush through life, looking for the next great experience thinking we know where it’s hiding in our future and never in the boring moments we are currently in, stop and take a moment to center yourself. Every moment can have meaning. Maybe that meaning isn’t meant for you but for someone else. Maybe you’re not listening to God in those moments you wish would hurry up and get past, and you become unaware of where He is telling you to go. Stop and be quiet every once and a while and just be still. Live in the moment, because in the future you might be puking and living on a couch.
